MATTHEW J VAN HOWE

Irrevocable

I see you there,

I see you now

Do not despair,

Because I know how.

To bring the light

Inside your eyes

To know the truth

Inside the lies

You’ll break your heart

To break your mind

You’ll break yourself

Only to find

There are secrets here

There are secrets here

 

To bring the light

Inside your eyes

To know the truth

Inside the lies

You’ll break your mind

To realize

 

There are secrets here

There are secrets here

 

And when you’ve left us all behind

And you’ve consumed all the light

Between your eyes

Visionless sight.

 

Red Strings

 

Where are you hiding?

I thought I saw you on the wall.

You hear me crying,

But you don’t care, no not at all.

Why are you prying?

I know I saw you on the wall.

I see you spying,

But you don’t care, no not at all.

You’re not replying.

Don’t you have anything to say?

I would be lying,

If I want you to go away.

There’s no dividing,

My walls are turning shades of gray.

I am deciding,

If I should simply just obey.

Why are we dying?

Why is there nothing I can do?

Its horrifying,

I am becoming something new.

What are you tying?

Why am I looking just like you?

We’re unifying,

It’s almost like I always knew.

Where am I hiding?

You thought you saw me on the wall.

I hear you crying,

But I don’t care, no not at all.

 

8 Milliseconds

 

What we see

Is our soul in things.

Projected truths

In concentric rings.

All we know

Is what we are fed

Knowledge is lies

We are all led

like lambs to sheers,

and we’re not sure why

when we look up

we are drawn to the sky.

 

We use our logic

And we rationalize.

Memory tricks us

the world in disguise.

We’re trapped in the past

And we call it real

There are eight milliseconds

Before we can feel.

 

What I see

Is an ignorant veil

The world is pretend

Our minds are so frail.

All I think

Is opposed to the norm

Society hides

And ignores the storm.

 

We use our logic

And we rationalize.

Memory tricks us

the world in disguise.

We’re trapped in the past

And we call it real

There are eight milliseconds

Before we can feel.

 

Human Again

 

I look around,

and I feel so complicated.

I talk to people,

but I feel so isolated.

I tell them why,

their lives are fabricated.

I try and try,

but I can never be sated.

 

I saw you take one more breath,

as we will calmly wait for your death.

I search to find the reason why,

instead, I cry, I cry, and I cry.

I still remember and then,

I can feel human again.

I thought I lost my precious friend.

No, no!  This can't be the end.

 

I saw a mirror,

and I've been reinvented.

My decline,

has slowly been prevented.

Now the lie

is completed circumvented.

Could it be true?

Is my humanity mended?

 

I saw you take one more breath,

as we will calmly wait for your death.

I search to find the reason why,

instead, I cry, I cry, and I cry.

I still remember and then,

I can feel human again.

I thought I lost my precious friend.

No, no!  This can't be the end.

 

I talk to people,

and I feel I'm reconnected.

I found my anchor,

and my heart is resurrected.

My grief is where

mind and heart are intersected.

I fear my humaness

is way too unprotected.

 

Circles

 

Don’t make your circles here

I got nothing but fear

Please do not come near

When stillness has erupted

I had my heart ache

It's just a big mistake

And please for god’s sake

Let silence be corrupted.

I might return to the day

To when I gave up my name

But now I wish I could stay

I have myself to blame.

Invitation

Of Ascension

Recognition of the center of creation

I can feel the resonance

I fear my recklessness

I am not ready to obey.

 

Escapism

 

So far, all right.

We are hanging on

Wait until the night

Then I might be wrong

We’re surviving

Living in the past.

We’ll keep on driving

Try to make it last.

 

When the rain falls down

And my mind will drown

When the rain falls down.

 

The Dark will enter

But we might survive

Focus on the center

We will stay alive.

 

When the rain falls down

And my mind will drown

When the rain falls down.

 

Event Horizon

 

Staring Down the event horizon

My life will fade in entropy

Swearing now, I will not be frightened

I know what’s waiting there for me

 

I feel the pull

From gravity

I accept

I am not free

I will fall

To my lonesome end

But I don’t fear

As I descend.

I thought I could

Stay up here more

I want to be

Who I was before

But I know too much

And I can’t go back

My light is trapped

Behind the black

 

Just one more step

Toward the door

It can’t be shut

No not anymore

I leave behind

All the ones I knew

They understand

What I must do

Looking back

I can see

All the things

I used to be

I give them up

And I carry on

I spread my wings

And become the swan

 

I now approach

The final line

The end is here

And it is mine

I will jump

And I will fall

I’m not safe

No, not at all.

I see the end

I am prepared

But yet I wait

I am so scared

I feel the pull

And it’s too late

I will jump

It is my fate.

 

Staring Down the event horizon

My life will fade in entropy

Swearing now,

I am very frightened

What could be waiting there for me?

 

Falling into Space

 

Burning fire, release me from constricting anguish

Many colored light which shines the distance of ten days.

This whole moving universe, far away.

My open eye stares at the void.

This question with 7 meanings

The gift, this thought so high and deep

No one lives beyond decrees of the gods,

not even if he has a hundred souls.

 

Vision

will illuminate

Sacred fire

Burns away all my hate

Secrets

hidden in the depth

Sacred darkness

You can have all my breath

 

How can there be laughter,

How can there be pleasure

When the whole world is burning,

When we are deep in darkness?

The solitude of silence

The peace of quietness

Free from fear and sin

The joy of the darkness.

All is transient

All is sorrow

All is unreal

The path is clear

The body is decaying

A nest of diseases

A heap of corruption

Bound to destruction

All life ends in death.

All life ends in death.

All life ends in death.

All life ends in death.

 

The Dark

 

I breathe again

not knowing when

I will see the end

of the dark.

 

And I'll keep waiting on

In my circle of light.

I will lie in wait

in the dark.

 

I have nothing left

of my human life.

I have given all I am

to the dark.

 

I feel so cold,

but it feels so right.

I have found the truth

in the dark.

 

I cannot return

to when I did not know,

but I have found my peace

in the dark,

in the dark,

in the dark.